In this part, I want to spend some time describing specifically how to overcome this fear of becoming your true-self. Remember, anytime something in your environment will force you to become more of your true-self (taking on more responsibility, becoming more public, etc.) you will experience this fear. One of the ways we have learned to avoid feeling this fear is to focus on some aspect of the upcoming situation in an illogical fashion. For example, let’s say that you are going to be promoted because the person, whom you barely knew, who held that position is moving to another company. You may find that you are constantly worrying over the fact that this individual is moving and you likely will never see him again (an illogical reaction). This is what Freud termed “neurotic anxiety” – focusing on some external situation to avoid feeling the fear that accompanies any unacceptable, unconscious material that threatens to emerge into our awareness.
Another example concerns our involvement in Aikido. I also have faced and gone through several of my own personal fears by continuing to take lessons. It is particularly important to go to classes when you feel tired for no logical reason. Here, as in the case above dealing with a promotion, your illogical feelings may reflect your attempt to avoid your next step in your personal growth.
Such illogical over-reactions should clue you in that what you are experiencing is really an avoidance reaction to the now unacceptable, excitable part of you that is threatening to emerge into your conscious awareness, and not really the response you have been obsessed by.
So, once you accept that your reaction is an illogical over-reaction, as opposed to a logical one (one that makes sense), how do you deal with it? You will probably discover that even if you are convinced that what you are feeling is truly illogical, you will be unable to stop fussing over it
My solution? Live in the now! Right now there is nothing to be afraid of. So, in the case of the promotion, place all your energies and attention on being excited, right now, about this new opportunity. Focus on the positive aspects of this challenge. AND GO FOR IT! In the case of not wanting to go to Aikido classes for no apparent, logical reason, GO.
Aikido has helped me to learn to be focused in the now. I found that to do well on the mats I have no choice but to be concentrated in the now.
In the two instances mentioned previously, going for the goal/challenge regardless of how negative I may feel about it I call “doing one’s doing”. All we can do is just “do our doings” impeccably. Many times, it is the only way we can face and get rid of our fears. It has always worked for me.
I will continue this topic in the next news letter.